I AM Feelin IT

Man Oh Man!!!! What a busy month April has been for me! First and foremost, I have to shout out my parentals once again for just being the absolute SHIT and a X-TRA SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO MY MOMMY WHO TURNS 33 AGAIN TODAY!! LOL ... but as I was saying before about my parents and how the are the ISH...I'm talking about blessing baby girl with a roof over her head in her own Sunny hometown as well as a ride that I have to admit is toooooooo CUTE...I L-O-V-E my car, it's soo me and then some. OH! and on a side note my 2nd discovery of the month was given courtsey of a unknown woman that I was fortunate enough to run into while VINTAGE shopping in Little 5.....ladies and gentlemen I have just discovered ACID JAZZ and dammit I think I's in love again especially with a artist by the name of Esthero, her album entitled Wicked lil Girls is CRAZY and her intro entitled We R in NEed of A mUsicAl Revolution is the SHITTTTT!!! If you can't tell I am very High right now, NO, not that kind of high but the kind that can only be transmitted through love and happiness and all that good shit but other than that I need to stop frontin and acting like my ass isn't tired..cause it is and I feel like I have fulfilled my quota in using the potty word SHIT for now so until then...Peace and Love and may you all be blessed with having GOOD SEX :) or at least some form of it :p

DayDreamiN

I really don't feel like being here at work today.... but it would be kind of disrespectful on my part if I didn't show up for my last week of work. It's a fair trade though because all I do is sit at my semi-cluttered desk, which I've been meaning to clean up since I started working, and just wonder off into space and I love it....I believe that THINKING or DayDreaminG is one of my favorite past times. I get even more excited when my thoughts transform into my realities like the time when I just woke up one sunny Saturday morning and said to myself, "Self it is time for you to move back to Miami!" and that's exactly what I'm doing. The only thing that seems to be stressin me out is the actual moving process which I hate with the passion of a thousand SUNS, planning on how to properly jump the broom one day, and the next step to moving my career forward. Well, 'stressed out' is not a good word to use, so let me say that I'm 'profoundly pondering my next moves'....there now that sounds much better.

Life is so exciting to me right now because everything is in a transitioning state. People and places are constantly in motion and I'm addicted to the motions because it reminds me that I always have something that I need to do or that there is always something to look forward to doing in the mean time and in between time. However, I think the most exhilarating thing happened to me this past weekend. For the first time in a long time and believe me when I say that it has been a VERY long time I experienced something or should I say SomeOne new....and it not only opened up my body but it also opened up my mind to another side of myself that I believe was being hindered to grow for sometime and now that I have freed myself it's like my entire being is in a constant state of evolving into a more sensually-educated-sexually confident-focused woman who is persistently craving and seeking out more ways than one to empower/enlighten herself as well as the world around her.

With my last post I ended with a Final Thought stating one to write down THREE things that will be accomplished by this Summer, so let me jot down my 3 :

Mystie's 3 Goals That Will Be Accomplished by This Summer

1. Maintaining focus on my path of Happiness/Enlightenment

2. Getting signed to multiple Top Agencies

3. Booking jobs for multiple big budgeted Motion Pictures

*However, the official handwritten list surpasses just 3*

Daddy's GirL

I have to honestly admit that I have the absolute greatest, bestest, flyest and hustling-est Daddy in the WORLD! let alone the bestest Family in the Universe and that's not me being arrogant that's just the damn truth. Never in a million years will another man be able to hold a candle to my father. I mean the man is the epitome of the 'Ish' anything I have ever wanted as a child up to my adulthood my father has either 'found a way or made one' for me to have my heart's desire. Now, I know what your probably thinking this chick is super-uber spoiled AND I AM...in a good way however, 'cause being brought up with a father and a mother that just provided for me continuously planted a seed in me to always aspire to live my life to the fullest while reminding me that I can have anything I want in this life if I just put my mind and some hustle into it and they always exposed my brother and I to apart of life that constantly reminded us that there was more in this world than what consisted within Liberty City, Florida....it's crazy to think back on growing up in one of the roughest parts of Miami, FL and me and my family all sleeping in one king size bed struggling from week to week to make ends meet while my parents 'shipped' me and my brother off to private schools to ensure that our educational needs were never neglected and made sure every Christmas that 'Santa' brought us more than enough gifts that was on our Christmas list....there's no denying the fact that I am blessed through the roof and I'm grateful for it but the reason I'm such a devoted Daddy's GirL would be explained best through a song by Beyonce entitled 'Daddy' (I believe thats the title of the song..if it isn't it should be) but yes my fave part in this song goes a little something like this...."Even if my man broke my heart today, no matter how much pain I'm in I will be okay, cause I got a man in my life that can't be replaced, for his love is UNCONDITIONAL and it won't go away, I know I'm lucky, Know it ain't easy for Men who take care of their responsibilities, love is overwhelming, Lord why did you pick me, can't stop these tears from falling I Love You So Much Daddy..."

Yep, that pretty much sums up why I am and will forever be a Proud Daddy's GirL....Just sucks for whomever I marry :)

411

"Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare." - Japanese Proverb


Cocktails Commentary

"The power of persuasion is potent. That's why people are always trying to persuade you that they are so important. Because ego is a stimulating drug like Viagra on impotence. But to whom much is given, much is required, so prepare to suffer the consequence. That's why I ask for discernment to protect me from this entertainment con sequence. We've been had by trying to obtain what we never had, and I'm convinced. We've sold ourselves short by selling nonsense. We don't need another black hero, award show, or conference. We succeeded in our offense and forgot about defense. Now they are running up the score by keeping us poor and behind the fence. Caging us in projects to project offense and keep it gutter, so we're dirty even when we rinse. When did our feel good music become so tense? When did it become the more ignorant it is, the more it makes sense? When did we become so completely numb that we can put our kids in front of porn and not even wince. I can't even pinpoint when the changeover started, but we've been on the decline ever since. Ever since we've been struggling to pay the rent and the pain is making our teeth clench, I've been praying that my fire isn't drenched. But God has given me a glimpse. God has given us favor even in the midst of the devil's imps. And those once giant obstacles now look like shrimps. We are using those same people blowing hot air to fill our blimps. So we can rise above false pretense and look fear in it's eyes and not even flinch. Two generations ago, writing like this would have caused me to get lynched. Now voices of reason are needed more than ever, but no assistance is being lent. I'm thinking of a master plan, but still coming up with lint. I'm seeing master's plan by making us all pimps. Wounding and maiming our own people, so at an early age, we develop limps. Modern day medieval mindsets to make our daughters a wench, and sons barbaric instead of gents. Who shot ya? Who murdered our spirit to uplift each other? I'm dusting for prints...This is Cocktails coming from my home CSI cubicle. They pulled off the greatest heist of all."

Final Thought:

Your task of the week is to write down three things that you want to accomplish by the end of the summer. You are not alone! We are doing this together. Make sure that they are obtainable goals. You can accomplish your dreams slowly but surely. The first step is taking that first step.

No DisRespect

Dare to dream big. A catch phrase, but tangible. Your thoughts can not manifest without prayer and action. Fear is the devil's veil over your eyes, so you must learn to see without them. It's not where you are, but where you desire to be. Are you in the same place you were last week? Think about it. I'm out like Tom Cruise at an Easter Play.

- Cocktails


I swear that I'm secretly in love with this man or maybe I'm just smitten with his way of thinking 'cause I'm not really accustomed to interacting with too many Brothas that can actually stimulate and captivate my mind and everytime I hear this brotha speak or any other spoken word artists for that matter I'm engulfed in a world unknown to man nor woman kind or at least that's how I feel but let me proceed to the topic that's been weighing heavily on my mind for some time...."Baby Mama/Daddy." I never took a liking to this term that is so comfortably spoken by many individuals within my community today...I don't know why but growing up as a child I was never groomed to be NO BODIES Baby Mama. It's something I just can't fathom for some odd reason for instance, How can you produce such a heavenly creature with a woman and not want to marry her or vice versa? The only motive I can conjure up is two people NOT thinking and acting out their Lust in the heat of the moment, consequently majority of the stories of how many babies came to be today fell right into this statement..."It just happened...it wasn't like it was planned or anything"....I think the first person that blessed my ears with this phrase had to be my ex-boyfriend/friend...and from that point on it seems like its been on repeat whenever I run into someone else. So what's up?!?!? Are people just not caring to THINK anymore? or Are we as women so bent out of shape for not having a stable man in our lives till we are willing to have a baby with someone who we know doesn't plan on marrying us let alone doesn't possess any intentions to build any type of positive foundation as a family other than agreeing on who gets to spend time with the baby on certain holiday's?

If you haven't caught on yet then allow me to update you ....I'm slightly pissed off at this ever increasing trait that seems to be viewed as a damn fad within my community. I guess being raised in a strict traditional household has somehow overlapped into my adulthood in regards to how relationships are developing now a days. I believe we as a people are just too content with the ways of the world today. Were my parents the only ones along with a handful of others within my community preaching to their children on how precious ones own temple is along with other various words of wisdom that a child is suppose to hear growing up?!?!? What's really going on?

My discontent with this massive situation is due largely to the affect that it has on children in the long run and again No Disrespect intended to my B-A...B-Y...M-A...M-A's or D-A-D-D-Y's but does no one care to take heed that this pattern has been stuck on repeat for how long? Black people My people Oh How I love my Black People! When are we gonna get this shit together? How many more decades is it gonna take for us to realize that no human being brought into this world is gonna substitute the love we have for SELF? I'm hurting y'all.... 'cause every time I speak out about it all I hear is responses of acceptance that this is just how it is and this is how its gonna be...Does anybody feel me? OR...

Do I need to write a poem so my people can feel me to join me in this fight to liberate not only our bodies but our minds so sick of turning on my TV and seeing nothing but naked behinds the Idiot Box got me progammed into thinking that something is wrong with the minds.. of today my mama keep telling me "baby just get down on your knees and pray" but God knows I can't hold this world up on my own starting to run out of ideas to express to my future kings and queens on how we originated on Thrones my peer told me the other day I needed to get a man in my life I replied with I did but I can't make him see me as his wife homey, lover, friend maybe that seems to fly easily with the brothas who never cared to take the time and really see me but I ain't got time to cater to a man running in circles gotta continue to get my shit together and condition my legs to keep jumping these m*****f***in hurdles that life strategically seems to place in my way fed up with these brothas hollering at me inside their cars shouting,"Hey SHWATY don't you want to be my BAY-BAY's.... mama?" negro please don't insult my intelligence while belittling my Aura as if it has no relevance I sit Malcolm X styled while thIking about this treatment that I've been receIving from brothas that refuse to grow up and cease being so damn mislEading to our youth NAY to the society as a whole a WISE MAN once told me that there is 'Power in Numbers' so why the fuck do I feel so alone?..... maybe it's because I know I am the only one who is really listening to the words in this poem. Peace

Yo Quiero Taco Bell...

While kickin it at work today, I had the pleasure of coming across an email sent to me by my good friend/co-worker 'B.' In this email was a test that I took to see "What Kind of Dog" I was, now in my mind I would definitely consider myself to be a tie between a midnight black poodle or my fave of course a black and tan aussie shepherd/welsh (that is CHEWIE on the TOP by the way). However, to my surprise my results indicated to me that I was in fact neither of my top two choices but instead something else that I honestly didn't see coming but nevertheless the summary of my personality was absolutely dead-on, so it is my pleasure to introduce to you "the dog in me" I guess.... hereeeeeeeeeee's Miss Chihuahua!!!!!!!

Mystie, you're a Chihuahua!

No bones about it, you're an energetic, devoted Chihuahua. For your breed, size definitely doesn't matter. After all, sometimes the best things (diamonds, car keys, Godiva truffles) come in small packages. Honest and straightforward, you're never afraid to speak up for what you believe in, especially if it's a cause near and dear to your heart. Having such a passionate personality can come with a few drawbacks, though. You can be moody at times, and people often find it hard to live up to your high standards. But once you make a friend, it's for life. Saucy and intense, your energy and unfailing loyalty make you a great companion. Woof!

What's that Smell?

"People think the blues is sad. They hear people moaning and such. That's not the blues. That's just somebody singing slow....The blues is about truth-telling."

-Alberta Hunter (Blues For All The Changes/Nikki Giovanni)


I smelled something on the bus this morning that made me stop & search my brain to remember what that scent was associated with, so I started thinking about hotels and the aroma it harbored always reminded me of a vacationing fragance then I started to rewind back to the last vacation I went on but I couldn't reminisce for too long 'cause I had to go 'make the doughnuts' & didn't want the remains of a daydream passed to overshadow my judgement at work

Well, truth be told I just didn't want to commit to memory those times when I thought I knew love. See...I was raised in the South, well the 'Spanish South' to be exact and as a limited conversational bi-lingual happily nappily headed child I fell in love with Collard Greens, Cornbread and Arroz con Pollo and as a little girl love was easy to find it either blessed my cheeks with a million kisses or it took a switch to my behind

Never having to search for love made it appear to be easy so as a woman I gave my love freely not knowing that Giving everything was no Guarantee that I would be Receiving... the same in Return this is when love started to turn, my heart was in a constant state of being burned, I continued to chase these City Boi's not noticing the blows that my spirit was taking got me crying over a bun that I thought was meant to bake in my oven the vocies in my head kept telling me this wasn't my husband, poor little girl fell in love with a man who openly referred to her as a bitch or a whore mistakened the feeling of his Penetration as a love she never felt before remembering the original love she was blessed with as a child has her longing for the days when her life didn't seem so hostile

So she choose a different path a road less travelled, battaling the lonliness at night accompanied with scarificies made throughout the day although she was filled with insecurities her Lord always had a way of making Thurderstorms look like slight drizzles in the end walking with her head held down she accidentally bumped into a man who kissed her aching heart replenishing her faith in brothas again

Walking side by side she sings to him a song about her childhood inhaling his presence while kisisng him softly he makes a proposal for me to be his wife I agree to continue to walk with him throughout this life for good or for bad for better or for worse realizing at that moment why God allowed me to endure the heartache, the pain and the curse with my head lookin up I see that the sky's the limit this world ain't so bad after all guess good guys with the capacity to transmit unconditional love into a woman do finish last after all

I Be Damned!!!!

My days start at or around 7 in the A.M. and doesn't usually end until 11 in the P.M., my daily routine consists of going to work, using my lunch breaks to go to an audition or two or maybe even three depending on the traffic, then of course I have to hit up my version of Happy Hour with friends, which is pretty much at any spoken word joint in the 'A' and then its off to my humble yet chic abode, which was recently occupied by me and my Chewie until he was sent to go live with my mother for personal reasons. Nevertheless, it' s been a long day and I've been having long days since I graduated college and I'm gonna get to my point before I get lost in my own dialouge again, so here it goes...I'm home and I'm tired and ready for bed so I do what any other chica does to prepare herself for a restful night of peace and slumber....take a bath, grease up (thats put on lotion for those who just don't know) and then I proceed to put on my comfortable yet fashionable P.J.'s courtsey of Vicki's annual clearance sale 'cause hey there's nothing wrong with wanting to go to bed looking cute... then it hits me...I can't fall asleep...ain't that a Bitch!

It's almost like having a really long night of hot passionate sex and being let down in the end by the fact that only one person 'reached the finish line' while you lay there asking yourself..what the hell just happened?....Ok, maybe that was a little too descriptive but my point is made. I really dislike being restless at night because that usually means my entire night is gonna be spent tossin' and turnin' and THINKING about people, places and things that DO NOT deserve to creep into my thoughts EVER! I use to nip this situation in the bud with a little taste of NyQuil but I had to cut that out quick fast 'casue it is never attractive to acquire a dependency on an over-the-counter drug which sole purpose is to relieve sneezing, fever,runny nose, and headaches. Of course, its not like I don't have another option of getting to sleep quicker as well but history has proven that this lil lady has never been a good candidate for booty calls, whether it was making them or receiving them...sorry folks but it's just not in my cocoa embodied nature. I mean I take the saying of my body is MY temple to a new extreme...believe me...Oh well, I guess I'll give in and see what's on the Idiot Box. Sweet Dreams.

Girl vs. Woman

I remember the day I took this picture(Right/B&W), well someone else took it for me of course. I thought I was the absolute 'ISH that day I mean couldn't nobody tell me that I wasn't working it with my grown woman look. This picture embodies a moment in my life when everything was just so simple and organized and going in the right direction. At the moment this picture was being taken, I was attending classes as a Biology major at the fashion-ably driven Clark Atlanta University. My days were filled with going to classes and spending limitless hours in labs while my nights were filled with kickin it in study groups or singing and dancing in front of my mirror, which was strategically placed above my sink inside my dormitory. My idea of the perfect ending to a week during this time was ordering take out from Wing Zone (I was obssesed with the Jumbo Cheesy Waffle Fries) and watching a good movie on TV while purchasing whatever faniced my eye on the internet. Oh how easy the day's were when your only concern in life was passing Advanced Calculus 101. Now, fast forward to the present(Left/Color), the Mystie that I have come to grow into no longer has the same joy's or pains but has in some sorts graduated to a new category where my responsiblities revlove around making sure Georgia Power doesn't cut my lights off or trying to figure out how much money I will have left over to eat after paying my student loans. The days were no longer filled with the same sweet smell that I remembered from my collegiate days but in fact has been replaced by the funk of something worse....the real world. Shit graduating from college was a rude awakening, well for me at least. I mean I had no idea that even with a degree in 'B.S.' I would still have to struggle to obtain a job even in the Administrative World, not that I'm knocking it but I've always imagined something bigger for myself and I won't stop grinding until that dream becomes a reality. I won't cease pursuing dreams until I obtain that sweet relaxing scent again of peace of mind and ultimate success.

HELLO SunShinE !!!!!!!

This is what I usually say when I'm fortunate enough to wake up in the morning. My life seems to be unfolding like the soap operas that I use to dread watching with my mother as a little girl and like the title of this blog says my world is constantly turning... whether I want it to or not. Since I've decided to become a born again 'blogger' amognst other things, I've made the Conscious Decision to take this opportunity to chronicle the life and times that make up my roller coaster existence on this planet. My thoughts symbolize the X rated part of me, not meaning that every thought is worthy of pornographic references, but meaning that the words that I post on this blog are the most rawest and intimate persona of my mental being. Basically, I'm putting myself out there by documenting my thoughts on a device thats easily viewed by whomever feels like reading it but for clarification purposes I have to make it known that this 'Online Journal" of sorts was not created for the masses but for me. I've always expressed myself the best verbally or literally. Nevertheless, this is my introduction...to my world of dreams, heartaches and triumphs.